My Regret
Today is still hard. I am still crying. I left work after an hour and a half because I couldn't be there...I had to state that I wasn't feeling well. I just didn't mention that I was emotionally unwell. I have never regretted anything in my life. My philosophy was always "why regret something when there was a reason why it happened at the time". Now, I am having a hard time believing that statement. I regret the fact that I didn't see that I had the best thing going for me in him. I regret that I wasted all that time on people who didn't matter as much as I thought they did. I regret that I put others before him. I regret that I moved away from him. I regret that I did not take him into consideration more. I regret that I didn't do the little things. If I hadn't moved up to Pennsylvania, I could be with him either in Orlando (if we had decided to stay there) or moved with him to Washington. I'm heavily considering moving back to Orlando now, but I know that he is not there. I don't know that I will be happier there cause I associate Orlando with him. Even though most of my family is there and my friends, he isn't. I will always think of him and want to see him being there. I will always have the anticipation that he will show up. That I can drive 10 minutes and be at his house. We went to high school together in Orlando, that's where we started together. The upside is that I would have a better support group there. But he is Orlando...Orlando is him. I love him with all my heart and soul, and want to be where he is. But since I cannot be where he is, then where do I go from here???
